“What Is Wrong With The Interwebs,” a.k.a. “Anna’s Cage Got Rattled Again.”

“I don’t know anything about X, but here’s my strongly-held opinion.”

Your  opinion based on what? The complete lack of knowledge you just stated? Or did  you just state a lack of knowledge you don’t actually believe you are affected by in order to avoid being challenged for your opinions?
Either way, shut up.

“I don’t know much about X, but I will refuse to accept any information that clashes with what I already know.”

That’s fine & dandy with me. However, do not attempt to engage me in any “conversations” about a topic when all you’re actually intending to do is constantly restate your poorly-constructed opinions and wallow in confirmation bias. That is roughly as appealing and constructive as watching you roll around in poop. Either be willing to both talk and listen, or shut up.

“I have no personal experience or understanding of your situation, but here’s my unsolicited advice.”

This is particularly fun to be at the receiving end of when you are dealing with an actual problem – a disability, an illness, a major life crisis, a bank balance solidly in the red, anything that actually prevents you from ignoring it. Seriously, there is nothing more joyful than having to deal not only with your issues, but with people’s unsolicited verbal diarrhoea on the subject.

“Why don’t you get/do X?”

“I can’t afford/use/do X.”

“Of course you can!”

No, I can’t. I really can’t, because I have an actual problem. A problem that you don’t share, and apparently can’t comprehend. However, I do not have your problem – the apparent inability to manifest the most basic level of empathy. And hell, I’ll take my problems over yours, any day.

It’s even peachier when you question people’s understanding of the issue, they come up with nothing, and still don’t see the gaping hole in their arguments:

“Hmkay. What is my income? What’s my diagnosis/prognosis/scoliosis?”

“Well, how would I know that!”

Seriously, I’ve had this conversation at least twice a week for the last three years. The satire cannot outpace the derp. Please, do not be this douche. Just shut up.

“It’s OK, I do it all the time.”

And you should feel free to have ^that etched on your headstone, if there’s enough left of you to bury. However, as an argument for convincing others to follow your example, it doesn’t hold much water. You can only lead by example when your example is good, unless you’re leading idiots. I don’t want to do something stupid just because you’ve managed to get away with it. Hell, I don’t even necessarily want to stand close to you while you do something stupid, because a. stupidity tends to splatter and b. I hate both paperwork and clean-up. So you can keep trying to pressure me until I tell you where to park it, or you can just shut up.

“I’m surprised you’re still talking to me. I thought that was TMI.”

(Too Much Information, for those who still use whole words.)

So you thought it was inappropriate for you to say something, but you still went ahead and said it. I’d ask “why”, but I’m pretty sure that would result in me having to suffer through your self-indulgent soul-searching, with an additional boatload of your unsolicited private crap landing on my doorstep. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Seriously, if you think you ought NOT to say something, shut up.

“I don’t understand this joke, but I find it offensive.”

Where to begin… Oh, I can’t be bothered. Just shut up.


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